all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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