dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
