I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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