Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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