You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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