Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
