I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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