We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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