So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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