The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
