It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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