bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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