why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
