Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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