it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
