He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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