I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
