Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
