toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
