Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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