Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
