A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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