I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
