Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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