i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
This house was built for laser tag.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Drake has all the answers
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
