I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
