dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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