"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
