yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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