I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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