just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
