Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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