So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize