If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
