Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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