just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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