Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
