Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
