I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
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I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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