What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
