just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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