You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
