Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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