there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
