READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
