Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize