You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
