i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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