ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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