you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
