I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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