I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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