i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
