Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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