did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
