My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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