Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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