Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize