one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
