Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
