I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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