even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
