i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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