tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
