Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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