ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
