FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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