proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
