Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Randomize
