we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
