she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
