I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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