You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
