Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
